His Choice
by Garowyn
Summary: Who is Hibari Kyouya? He is his own enemy. Thus, he is doomed. But he has a choice.


**Author's Note (READ): I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn; it's all written for fun and no profit whatsoever.**

**I've watched up to episode 77, and have read volumes 3-5 of the manga, as well as the Future Hibari parts. Forgive me if I miss any small details. I hope I have not overlooked the important ones. I've devoted some of my time to studying his character (so far, I've had to speculate on Hibari's past, which I go more into detail in another fan fiction). I have taken into account other analyses, information-based web sites, and general interpretation and thought. **

**I have tried to weave everything together to be believable, and this is, apparently, the result. I hope it's not too bad.**

**Still, Hibari is a complete mystery most of the time, and that makes it fun.**

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Hibari Kyouya is doomed.

He is chasing shadows that will vanish rapidly at any moment, and he knows he will not be able to catch one. For he is also a shadow of a passing cloud – yes, he is that cloud, too. His Vongola ring embodies that very substance. It is a symbol of his status and membership in the Vongola Family, the current most powerful mafia family. He is the strongest of the guardians, and they are nothing without him. They need him, and he stays.

The Vongola Family members know they can rely on him, put their lives in his hands, for he is a man of his word. He does not break his promises, and he does not make promises he cannot keep.

Yet, there is a lingering doubt in their hearts. Hibari stays because he chooses to. He is loyal because he chooses to be. Hibari is not forced in any way because they understand that if he is forced, he will bite. He will never be forced to do something if he can help it. He is not one to be caught and tamed. Clouds cannot be held prisoner; they are elusive.

Because of this truth, each and every one of them cannot suppress that fear. They do not know him. They do not know him well at all. Hibari is a self-contained enigma. They know virtually nothing of his past beyond his teenage years, nothing of who he really is. Hibari will never reveal the depths of his soul, offering only mere glimpses with his well-guarded eyes – when he chooses to.

Who is Hibari Kyouya? Only he himself knows for sure.

This omnivore loves order and discipline for the disorderly and inferior. Namimori Middle School and the town it belongs to would be nowhere without him. They are the vessels in which to carry out his brand of orderliness, having ridden the area of thugs (or else taken them under his wing) and lowlifes, restoring peace to Namimori. The school follows his lead; the hospital runs under his guidance; crime is not as rampant as it once was, all because everybody fears Hibari and his deadly weapons.

How did he come to be this way? Was there ever such a time when Hibari was not cold and ruthless? Perhaps. Yes. He owes his grandfather much more than hatred, as Hibari's skill and influence began with his family in the past. Hibari did have a beginning.

But truth be told, Hibari likes the way he is, and does not brood over his upbringing, like a weak herbivore, nor does he seek revenge and payment for his past, like a vicious carnivore. Hibari lives only for himself, walks his own path, and immerses himself in the solitude that comes with being who he is. He is free forever from close relations that would only tie him down and frustrate him with obligations.

Hibari is the proverbial free bird.

Anyone who tries to capture him will, without hesitation, be bitten to death. This is his way of life (born from watching his grandfather), his skills that were constant for years, never advancing or improving until he met the strange infant called Reborn, the spineless boy called Sawada Tsunayoshi, the villain called Rokudo Mukuro, and the "tutor" called Bucking Horse Dino. It was then Hibari realized there were strengths above him, and that made him angry. Very angry.

Hibari hates to lose, and will fight to point of exhaustion to ensure his victory, all for his pride. It is the way he has been taught; that pride, and the confidence that comes with it, is very important in strength. He has been told to never let his guard down, to never be overcome by anxiety because it will lower his effectiveness in battle. He must become so powerful that no one will be able to stop him.

But Hibari now realizes that there is more to conquer, and knowing that does not satisfy him at all, for it forces him to also understand that he is not perfect.

This realization causes excitement to stir within him. Defeating what is hailed as untouchable – Hibari wants to defy the odds because he despises those that attempt to limit him with logic deemed illogical in his celestial view. He hates everyone who tries to restrain him when he is fueled by the desire to reach his limits and then destroy them.

Hibari is driven by restless ambition he does not want. This need that does not sleep disrupts his orderly existence, but he cannot suppress it completely. It is always there, laughing in his face, this unending fervour.

Hibari hates it. He is his own enemy.

Yet, the thrill of the hunt is enticing. How far can he fly? How much stronger can he become? The answer is out there, and to find it it, he must travel down an alienated road. If he is to attain the impossible, he must be prepared to be alone.

But he has always been alone, even during years with (now deceased) family members.

He chooses to be alone because growing up without encountering many people has instilled a sense of appreciation for solitariness that only grew stronger after dealing with incompetent people.

And he is starting to cease in denying his longing to test his limits. His fascination knows no end. Hibari brings this fate upon himself.

Thus, he is doomed, for no one will ever be able to keep up with him. Solo, he intends to tread dark paths where no one can or will follow.

Still, he maintains his love for Namimori, his greatest achievement to date. For now, he keeps his principles and ambition neatly balanced on the edge of a blade.

But one cannot follow two masters.

Again, he is confined. Namimori keeps him sane, keeps him bound in a cage. Hibari is torn between the assured presence of discipline and the tempting caress of his forbidden lover – the unfathomable mysteries of his power just waiting to be discovered. Hibari wants to be invincible, and he knows attaining that superior status is impossible to and for many, which is why he makes an attempt to prove otherwise.

Death is another obstacle. Hibari cannot defeat death, but one knows that he will try.

He will never be satisfied, will always crave more.

He is doomed.

Who is Hibari Kyouya? As much as he knows his own self, there are still unknown territories waiting to be mapped out. His soul is wild and untouchable, barely kept in place by the chains of control.

Can he escape his doom?

Perhaps.

Does he want to?

Even he does not know quite yet. Not like he used to.

The Vongola Family and others who have, by some miracle, earned his respect, have entered his life. Perhaps he will be drawn to the world of fellowship, of assurance that the other will not betray him – that friends can help carry the burden. He has not fully discovered this world yet, having stopped after the first few examples of stupidity in humans he saw long ago. And being a part of the mafia only promises greater opponents.

Hibari has paused for a moment, allowing himself to test the waters, and finds them to be cool and gentle to the touch. An occasional wave will rise, but it always dies down. The ground is still there, and it will always be there, no matter how deep the waters may be.

The lure of the unattainable – because he longs to shatter impossibility – is surely strong. It will always be at his side. His imperfection will always be a close companion, and he knows this. Yet, he still wants to try, because that is who he is. He is driven by this lust for more, but he is first and foremost a human before a skylark. He can choose. Perhaps, he will choose to stay for good.

But until then, he is doomed to a life of insanity.

Yes.

I know I am doomed.

But there is a choice to be made, and I, alone, will make that decision.

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**Author's Note (added in November 2008): Yes, I know I have a tendency to overwrite or repeat myself; I'm working on getting away from that. Plus, the ending is terrible; I'm working on a way (during the spare time I can get) to change it and make it more realistic, but, in doing so, I may or may not have to change the way the entire story is written. Mostly likely the former will have to be done.**

**Also, I've now seen more of the anime and manga, so my views have changed slightly from what is expressed in this fic.**


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